Blended Families: My kids, his kids - should be no difference

By Kristie Carpenter / Abilene Families Special Contributor

I’m sure you have heard a saying about “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.”  I believe this is to remind us that we shouldn’t cast judgment on someone’s decisions, actions, or thoughts, when we may not have been in their circumstances.  
          
That being said, after my husband and I married, it seemed like the next four years were full of anticipation for his children to move out. I justified my thoughts. After all, his daughter was in her twenties, had two children, and had already been married and divorced. His son had turned 21 and needed to learn life skills and how to function on his own.

Well, all that happened. My husband's daughter finished college, remarried her first husband, reunited their family, and set out on their own. His son moved into the small house behind us and is learning to take care of himself and a house, while finishing school and working. Awesome! 

Strangely, I have now found myself in my hubby's shoes. My daughter is about to graduate and get married and my son has only a little bit of high school left. Wait! I’m not ready. My kids still seem so young. They need me. They still have much to learn, and they need to learn at home. Besides, I like having them around. I have always told them, “I not only love you; I like you too.” Of course, my husband is looking forward to the “empty nest” syndrome. I thought I was, too.

Since June is the month that we celebrate fathers, I hope you will put yourself in your husband’s shoes – especially if he has children from a previous relationship. As much as you love your own children, he loves his just as much. He probably “likes” having his children around. He probably gets his feelings hurt when you do things or say things to “separate” your children from his. 

I guess I’m writing about this because there is guilt in my heart. I have a new understanding of my husband's feelings. I wish I would have been more understanding, compassionate, and patient. But it is not too late to show him the support he deserved.

Look at your husband’s children while “wearing his shoes.” It will hopefully open your eyes and heart to a new love for his precious ones. We have them for only a short time.

Lord, forgive me for placing barriers between our children, for thinking mine are “better” and deserve more.  Let me see my husband’s children through his eyes.  Help me see them through Your eyes.  Help me love them as my own.

 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others.”  Philippians 2:3-4